I Can't Even Make It Half Way Through LOL

He took out an empty bottle and smashed it onto the wall swearing “You are the reason I don’t have a wife”. He smashed the second bottle “You are the reason I don’t have children”. He smashed the third bottle “You are the reason I don’t have a job”. When he took the fourth bottle, he realized that the bottle was still SEALED and filled with beer. He said to the bottle “YOU STAND ASIDE, I KNOW YOU WERE NOT INVOLVED”.An explorer in the deepest Amazon suddenly finds himself surrounded by a bloodthirsty group of cannibals. Upon surveying the situation, he says quietly to himself “Oh God, I’m fucked”. Suddenly there is a ray of light from the sky above and a voice booms out “No, you are not fucked. Pick up that stone at your feet and bash in the head of the chief standing in front of you”. So the explorer picks up the stone and proceeds to bash the life out of the chief. He stands above the lifeless body, breathing heavily and surrounded by 100 cannibals with a look of shock on their. " It's okay for you two to take a morning off here and there, see the sights, whatever. Leave some handouts at the office with your mobile number." Aye, Skipper." Apart from that ... make yourselves at home. And ... it's a forty hour week, okay? No more. Got it?" Got it, Skipper," Linnet smiled, "thanks. Give Erica a hug and kiss for me."It took a couple of days for the IT company to start work; at that, Ted must have pulled some strings. Linnet and Jamie kept a discreet eye on them at first, but they were obviously very professional. Within a couple of weeks of their arrival, Grace had data sockets in each cabin and the saloon as well as a wireless router, with internet connectivity through both satellite and cell systems, just as Ted had specified.The first visitors trickled in even as EssCom were working and were very impressed. For the most part Linnet and Jamie traded off their time, at least when Jamie wasn't working as an accountant, so that one of them was available during.
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